Happy Father’s DayBlog Author: Eric Vargas, University Assistant and Counseling Education Graduate Student at Central Connecticut State University
Gillette recently came out with a commercial celebrating fathers. It is unique in that it focuses on the father-son bond. Gillette addresses how much boys have come to rely on the internet for life’s answers. This makes perfect sense when placed in the context of gender norms. Society assumes that boys and men have power, control. and answers in all circumstances. It is no surprise that in the society that most appreciates rugged individualism, boys would attempt to find life’s answers on their own. The illusion of self-reliance is causing boys to lose themselves. Gillette did a marvelous job illustrating the importance and the need for young men to ask for help. If we are so lucky to have a father in our lives, let us not take this precious gift for granted. Fathers are beautiful and important resources for the health, wellness and development of boys. It is time to begin to educate our fathers on how valuable they are toward developing a healthy family and community. It is time for our sons to be liberated and shown the path towards love and acceptance. Let us celebrate Fatherhood and Sonhood on this Glorious Father’s Day 2016.
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Finances and GenderBlog Author: Eric Vargas, University Assistant and Counseling Education Graduate Student at Central Connecticut State University
Neal Gabler makes a great point in his article The Secret Shame of Middle-Class Americans that to admit to financial insecurity or financial impotence is a form of social suicide. He claims that financial impotence “may be more embarrassing than sexual impotence.” No man in his right mind would admit to this shame and failure. The social pressure for men to “man-up” and “keep it together,” has lingered on past all of the social movements of the 19th and 20th centuries up through today. These sayings can refer to a man’s emotions, relationships, friendships, yet within economically tough times they reflect more on how men relate to their personal finances. One’s financial situation is usually associated with income and wealth, but for the average American man financial status means much more than a paycheck. Manhood is not strictly defined, yet it can be agreed that American society still defines a man’s role as “protector and provider.” The role of protector can be seen in action movies and within America’s own male-only selective service. The popular American phrase “Freedom is not free,” signifies that there are sacrifices to be made for the greater good. American men have long fought for the nation’s individual rights and freedoms. However, the system is still very much gender bias in that if the draft needed to be reinstated, men would be charged with the responsibility. It would be just if both men and women shared the equal burden of protecting the American way of life. Men are as much precious beings as women are. So why should they be considered disposable? We must all put in our fair share. The role of provider is heavily emphasized within family norms and throughout the childcare system. If a man does not work or cannot afford to support his family, he is looked at as being “lazy.” If a man cannot afford to make the court-appointed child support payments, he is defined as a “dead beat dad,” and may lose child visitation rights. With over 4 times as many child custody hearings being awarded to women over men, the message is resoundingly clear. Men have no rights to fatherhood for it has become a court appointed privilege that one must pay for. When the standard duties of manhood, “to protect and provide,” cannot be reached financially, it can lead to suicide or transform into “power and control” to compensate for what cannot be achieved. “Power and Control” leads to violence, which is a sign of the insecurity that already existed. This leads me to believe that it is time to produce research on the perceptions and interpretations of manhood through the male lens to recapture, empower, and define our own selves. No longer can men taken on the burden of supporting a family alone. We must learn to share the wealth across gender, social classes, race, etc. for we, as Americans, are all in this together. May moral prosperity triumph over any discord on economic philosophy. Rethinking Toughness Blog Author: Eric Vargas, University Assistant and Counseling Education Graduate Student at Central Connecticut State University
There was a time when toughness was defined by the amount of hurt and pain one could endure without faltering in emotion. American professional football had an unwritten standard that regardless of the risk, getting hurt was a normal part of the job. Being a “man” meant continuing throughout the game without considering one’s health and well being. Men’s bodies were sacrificed for the price of one’s enjoyment and entertainment. Although we still see the “tough guy” trend, especially in our up and coming youth, there has been a wealth of concern for players’ well being in the past decade. We saw the trend of protecting defenseless players and quarterbacks step up in 2010 with the thousands of dollars James Harrison, of the Pittsburgh Steelers, would have to pay for fines. In prior years, hard hits were permitted and encouraged. It can be said that quite a few people stand disappointed for the new standards, although nothing much of the game has changed. Yet the players will eventually reap the rewards for taking care of oneself for it is more important to be around as a son, father, husband, etc. before winning a game any day. Ben Roethlisberger spoke up about self-care today. Apparently in the Steelers-Seahawks game this week, there was a penalty on Passing Interference. Ben got hit after he had thrown the ball. Because this man is built big, tough and rugged, the referees usually never call it for him and he usually plays through injuries, again, regardless of the risks. This time was different. He could have kept playing but something was different. Within nine drives Ben began feeling the effects of a concussion. The doctors had not noticed, yet he was brave enough to step out of the game. Ben spoke out about the decision saying that he thought about his family, being a husband and father. Something clicked that his life was more valuable than winning a game. As we take this step forward to setting a new standard of what “toughness” is, we witness that tough does not have to imply withholding one’s humanity. Tough can be a situation of vulnerability without shame or guilt of existing as an imperfect human being. This time, Ben had something to live for beyond the career. Yet men may not have families to go to or an aspiration for more in life. Ben’s testimony on self-care, as it pertains to head injuries, must be expanded to all injury. Another thought is: When will waking up in the morning be reason enough to take care of oneself? The toughest quarterback in the league set a standard of self-care and self-regulation. Regardless of what people think, acting and speaking out on the issue was an act of courage. Let us, men, be like Ben and speak up when we need something. Toughness shall no longer be pure pain and suffering nor physical sacrifices. Toughness rethought can reflect a man’s willingness to trust, love and care for oneself in an authentic way through vulnerability and accepting imperfection. How Hilarious is it? Men are DyingBlog author: William Fothergill, MA., MSW., CPC, LPC faculty member at Central Connecticut State University Like most, I was surprised and sadden about the suicidal death of comedian Robin Williams. What a great loss. The world is missing yet another great funny-man following the earlier deaths of John Candy, Jim Belushi, Richard Pryor, and Chris Farley. Each of these amazing men died early due to lifestyle choices and (or) battles with mental illness. The unexpected death of Robin Williams highlights three important social issues, (1) the state of men’s health, (2) mental illness, and (3) suicide. These topics are taboo, yet they remain major health care problems in the United States. When was the last time you heard the term “men’s health”? We commonly and justifiably hear “family care” or “women’s health”, but rarely have I heard a politician, government official, or healthcare advocates declaring the relevance of men’s health. Discussions about healthcare does not always take into consideration the unique healthcare needs of male populations. I have noticed a string of male comedians dying prematurely due to complications resulting from their addiction and hidden mental health issues. Not only are funny men dying, but the health and mortality of the male population is compromised. Males significantly lag behind their female counterparts in most health related factors. Males are dying early, unexpectedly, and senselessly. Have we reached a point where we are immune to male death and disease? Have things gotten so bad that we expect men to die prematurely and we have convinced them that early death and it’s normal to embrace unhealthy lifestyles? Years ago, I remember working as a clinical case manager with male juvenile and young adult offenders. I will never forget the discussions about their futures. Many of these young men regularly stated they did not see themselves ever reach their 30th birthday. What is society teaching are males about living and living healthy and well? We are teaching them to be “tough, invincible, suffer in silence, and die of preventable causes of death. Males are expected to die and to put their minds and bodies on the athletic field, battle field, and the field of professional dreams for honor, glory, pride, career advancement, and patriotism. Big and muscular is the epitome of the ideal man. Living up to the ideal is costing men their health and ultimately their lives. Who pays the cost of unhealthy men? We all do, so that’s why it’s important to place more attention on the state of men. Examining the state of men’s health uncovers facts that are not funny. Humor cannot hide the reality that men have adopted unhealthy lifestyles that are compromising their wellbeing. Gorman & Read (2007) stated the following: “Men however continue to experience substantial premature death during the adolescent, young adult, and middle-age years. Today, for most major causes of death (12 of the top 15 causes of death in 2004), age – adjusted death rates are higher among men than women.” 3 According to the Center for Disease Control & Prevention (CDC) men are disproportionately dying of the 10 leading causes of preventable death in the United States. 1
The CDC further reported…
It’s time to look beyond the stoicism, humor, bravado, and silence presented by males to discover more effective ways of saving their lives. It is possible to address the health needs of women and men simultaneously without compromising the supports to the other gender. We must gravitate away from an Us versus Them mentality of healthcare. It’s not a competition – it’s about creating a healthier society. We are beginning to understand more about the hidden lives of our comedic men and how many live a façade masking the true state of their health. This is not just true for comedians, but this is equally true for most men. We must bring greater attention to the health needs of men and challenging them to be more responsible for their health. Seven Keys for Improving Men’s Health:
The health of a community is dependent on the health of each member of that community. It’s time to stop ourselves from becoming lulled into laughter where we don’t remain mindful of what is happening around us. It’s time to get serious about improving male health outcomes and start addressing the health crisis affecting male population. I would appreciate reading your suggestions about what we all can do to help men improve the state of their overall health. What are your Seven Keys for improving men’s health? 1 Center for Disease Control and Prevention. Men’s Health FastStats”, cdc.gov. CDC/National Center for Health Statistics. Web. 14 July. 2014. http://www.cdc.gov/nchs/fastats/mens-health.htm 2 Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. National Health Interview Survey. 2011. http://www.cdc.gov/nchs/fastats/mens-health.htm 3 Bridget K. Gorman, Ghazal Read, Jen'nan. . Why do men die younger than women? Geriatrics and Aging. 2007; 10(3):182-191. Minino, A.M., Herson, M., Smith, B., et al. Deaths: Final data 2004. Health E-Stats. Released November 24, 2006. Web. http://www.medscape.com/viewarticle/555221_2 4 Kung, Hsiang-Ching, et al. "Risk factors for male and female suicide decedents ages 15–64 in the United States". Social Psychiatry and Psychiatric Epidemiology 38 (8): 419–426. 5 Murphy, George E. "Why Women are Less Likely Than Men to Commit Suicide". Comprehensive Psychiatry 39 (4): 165–175. |
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